Thoughts of an Addict

this one time i had AIDS. i didnt care, i just gave it to africa for christmas. suckers.

this one time i got an std. it didnt matter. i just passed it on.

Seriously, have you ever had a handjob and heard the girl go "UGH. ARE YOU DONE YET?" and then switch hands? Because I have. It's unpleasant.

Dont get me wrong, I'll totally accept a handjob. But please show some courtesy and spit on your hand first.

Jack in the box tacos are better than handjobs. Everytime.

Listening to Circle Takes The Square.

americankris:

xthegiveristheshitx:

Am I alone in my appreciation of them?

nah

you dont need a reason to kill yourself. you need a reason not to. there isnt one.

I'm gonna go watch LOST.

Message me?

Aim: DustyDGAF

I just died in your arms tonight.

Guys ; Use a fucking condom .

(via patronflavoredkisses)

show it to her. pretend to put it on. she wont know the difference. promise.

I slept with my ex girlfriend's best friend. When she confronted me about it I admitted it laughingly. She thought I was being sarcastic and kidding. Good times.

I crashed a high school party once just to steal their liquor. They didnt have anything worthwhile so I broke into their wine cabinet. I left the house unnoticed with 5 bottles of Dom Perigon. Good times.

This one time my friend was talking about a girl he liked. My other friend then admitted he had hooked up with her a week beforehand and that he was sorry and didnt know. I laughed a little too hard. I had hooked up with her earlier that day. I knew. Good times.

My friend once was very drunk and hooked up with a really drunk girl. He fingered her on the couch while they made out. Apparently she was on her period and had forgotten due to the alcohol consumption. Good times.

Im just being "Miley"